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Unnecessary Frustrations

I am pissed off, fed up, putting on a fake smile for someone. They think everything is ok and it’s not. It’s my fault. I’m not putting that blame on anyone but myself. I can’t keep doing this. It’s so draining. Day to day I feel like I have a ton of weight on my shoulders. Why am I doing this? I just can’t say “get out of my life, don’t talk to me anymore, good bye”. It’s hard to remove someone you care about deep down. I realize once I do say that, there is no going back at all. Once those words come out it’s done. No more ties. I get to move on. One part thinks I’m making a crazy choice for wanting this. But then the other part is saying Sam, you don’t need this. I try to avoid this person as much as I can. It’s getting harder. I dread communication with them. I do, do it though. Like I said, they think everything is ok. They have every reason to think so. I haven’t said anything for them to think anything is wrong. I’m a jerk. A fucking jerk.

When I say out loud I want to get out of this, I wonder is there anything I’m going to miss… - 3eb

Empire Avenue, Oh You…

I’m back on and I’m going to give this another shot. It seems to be picking up again. We’ll see…

CODE CODE CODE: EAVB_MHNBAMYTEJ

If I Think This Is Hard, I Might As Well Quit Now!

It’s official, I’m going to start Basic Military Qualification in November. I’m excited yet nervous at the same time. Excited because it’s a completely out-of-this-world experience and nervous because I don’t know what to expect or what will be expected of me. Sure, I have an idea but that’s just an idea. I’ve been watching Basic Up at every chance I can get but I am keeping in mind they don’t show everything so I’m not basing everything on that, just getting a feel.

I know I am pretty fit. I don’t think I’ll have any issue with the fitness component of the course but I still feel like I need to be the best. Or at least the best I can be. If I can out run 75% of the guys I’ll be happy. I am setting a one hundred push ups, two hundred sit ups and a 2.4 mile run time of under 10 minutes goal by the time I leave in November. Knowing I can surpass the CF standards by a lot will help calm some nerves. As for the 62% “classroom” work, I have a university degree. I should be fine. Now, I say all this but I still have a ton of doubts. That’s just a SBMCZH thing though.

We’re Moving!

Have you ever stayed in a hotel so long that you just got so sick of it? Sick of being so cramped. Sick of not having your own space? I’ve been going through that and so have my friends for the past month and a bit we’ve been in Australia. Now that we have 3 friends from Chicago here, it’s even more cramped. Well, the girls minus me have their own room. I’m with 5 guys. What was I thinking? If I have to hear one more sexual comment, I’m going go burst and I hope my estrogen gets all over them! It’s my own fault so I’m not going to complain any further.

In a 1990sq foot room, you’d think I’d be able to find some space. Wrong. I can’t even shower for as long as I want because I have 2 guys that take up 2 of the 3 bathrooms to pretty themselves up for hours at a time. Ok, I did say I’d stop complaining.

Another thing that’s been getting to us is the constant eating out. We’ve literally tried every restaurant around. Even though we have a kitchen, it’s rather small and there’s not enough equipment to make a full meal. As for laundry, that’s a mess! Once every week we take a tip down the street to the laundry place and do laundry for 2 hours. Long term hotel life sucks.

Solution? Vacation house! Why didn’t we think of this sooner? We’re staying in this fabulous house about 10 minutes from Melbourne. It’s right on the beach, there’s a golf course literally a 2 minute walk away, basketball courts, tennis courts, volleyball nets, heated pools, hot tubs etc. Now, that’s just the outside. In the inside enough beds for each one of us. Score! A bathroom for each one of us. Double score! A full kitchen! Kaitlyn is a culinary/pastry student so we’ll be eating well. Triple score! And last but not least a fucking laundry room! Hallelujah!

We’re going to grab a fast brekkie then we have a 9AM move in and probably a big grocery shopping right after. I’m excited. Excited to have space!

What Running At 1AM Can Cause

If you’ve read my tweets, you know what happened but if you’re not on Twitter or have missed them here’s what took place:

Tonight I was in the worst mood I’ve ever been in. Why? It’s not important and I don’t wish to disclose the details. I needed to blow off steam so I went down to the hotel’s fitness center, they were closed. I was a few minutes too late (story of my life). I was still in the need to blow off steam so I decided to go out for a run. Now, I realized it was 1230AM, I’m going out in a foreign city and there was a bunch of sketchy characters around me. I wasn’t going to let that stop me despite people wanting me to. I was no more than 30 minutes into my run when I cop car pull up in front of me and an officer got out. He stopped me and asked me what I was doing. I was very polite and said “I’m going for a run”. He continued to question me. I refused to answer the questions he asked that he couldn’t ask without arresting me first. The knowledge of my legal rights obviously caught him off guard and he said that he just wants to make sure I return safely. At that point I was so pissed off. From prior events still and now that this cop was being absolutely ridiculous. I cooperated with him because I realized if I continued to argue with him I could end up doing something illegal and he’d have means to arrest me.

Now I say walking but it literally took me 30 minutes to walk a block. I was walking so slowly. He then said “can you speed it up, I don’t have all night”. I wanted to say like “then don’t waste your time stopping me for running then” but I bit my tongue. That set me off. I then decided to pull a pretty stupid stunt. Well not stupid, just a stunt to spite the cop. I took a turn down the next street. I knew there was a coffee shop at the corner. I also knew that it would take me back around to where I started. I was thinking two things. If he asks what I’m doing I’d tell him I was thirsty and needed a drink. I’d waste more of his time getting a drink and using the washroom. If he didn’t say anything I’d continue my walk. Well, when I reached the coffee shop I was actually kind of thirsty (I was running after all) so I decided to go in. While walking in I asked the cop if he wanted anything. He just gave me a look. I spent a good 15-20 minutes in there. When I walked out I saw another cop car and was literally pissing my pants. So many things ran though my mind.

Apparently the initial cop that stopped me wasn’t reporting back to the station. Another cop went to locate him. The other cop wanted to hear my story. I told him and the initial cop first claimed I was giving false information. I basically outsmarted him and caught him in a hole. He finally agreed that I was telling the truth. The other cop asked if I’d like to file a report against the first cop. I said of course! He took me back to the station and I filed my report. The cop that was helping me was laughing the whole time. Looking back at the situation, it was ridiculous. I guess you can find it funny. I was still too pissed off to joke around though. I was allowed to leave the station without a police escort and received an apology.

Walking back I tried to comprehend what happened. I was just trying to blow off steam by going for a run. I did nothing wrong. Nothing at all. I never got an explanation or justification for what went on. That’s one thing I regret not asking for but i had so much on my mind that it completely blew over my head. I have a number to call if I have any further questions, I might call in the morning. So I guess I won’t be going for runs at 1AM anymore unless I want to be inconvenienced again…

Moms Are The Best

Today I needed a familiar voice to reassure me everything is ok. I have 4 amazing friends and my sister around me that I could go to for anything but I just needed my mom to be there. I needed someone who would be there for me no matter what. I needed someone who wouldn’t judge me on what I had to say. I needed someone that would give me advice but back away when I said stop. I needed someone that would love me no matter what I said. I needed my mom.

Me and my mom have a pretty good relationship. We’ve had our battles, mostly through my teen years but also through my adulthood (one recent situation stands out but I’m really over that). I look at my mom as my best friend, as cliché as that sounds, it’s true. We can shop all day, watch movies in sweats with popcorn, hang out with my friends and have a drink, talk and joke about anything and anyone, the list goes on.

My mom knows exactly what to say when I need a pick-me-up so when I needed that, she was the first one on my mind. I was going to call her but I received a tweet from Ainsley asking me where I was. The convo went on and I basically told her to not wait for me. And well, the fact I wasn’t ok was obvious and I told her I was going to call my mom but used her twitter name. The tweet reached her and she basically said she’ll call me. While waiting I lied on my bed, turned on my computer, opened iTunes, plugged in my headphones and hit play. First song? How’s It Going To Be - Third Eye Blind. I hit repeat and just lied there staring at the ceiling until I heard my phone vibrating on the bed side table. I said hello and as soon as I heard my mom’s voice, I started bawling. That was my breaking point. We talked. Actually I talked. She listened and added in her two sense. It was the kind of conversation I needed. I felt like my emotions actually meant something to someone. It was a rather short convo but it was good. I no longer felt like I wanted to jump off a cliff. So many little things have been adding up and I haven’t been able to talk them out. I let everything out and my mom listened without making judgements. Mom, you’re the best. I love you.

Now I must make my way to see Alex. I’m 100% positive my friends will have questions upon questions but I’m ready to take those on. For those of you who have this kind of relationship with your mom (or dad) cherish it and don’t ever take it for granted. If you don’t, that sucks because this is one of the best things in the world!

Not Another G20 Blog

I had to say that because a lot of my blogs have been about the G20. It appears to be done but who knows. I’d actually laugh if these protesters started a protest tomorrow. But for the time being I’m glad G20 is over. So sick of it! Now Toronto has the pride parade to look forward to. Joy!

I’m currently on a train, The Country Link heading back to Melbourne. We (me, Ainsley, Colin, Evan, Ryan and Staicey) spent the weekend in Sydney. Sydney is a fabulous city. I can’t wait to head back, although we do want to check out the Great Barrier Reef and New Zealand, then it may be time to finally head home.

This train ride is just under 900km and will take another 10 hours and 45 minutes to reach Melbourne. It didn’t hit me until now that we’re in for a long trip back. We’d be 1/3 of the way back if we took a plane but we couldn’t justify the $1200 ticket back. Why are we being so money conscious lately? Haha I don’t know. I guess we’re figuring that if we want to take a trip to the Great Barrier Reef and New Zealand, we should try to safe some money.

Until then I guess I’ll just try to enjoy this long ride back. We have a pretty lively train filled with university students so it could be fun!

Reminder, This is Toronto

As if pictures weren’t enough to show the destruction going on in Toronto, these videos anger me even more. I am disgusted as a Canadian. I am disgusted as a citizen. I am disgusted as a tax payer. Where is the 1 billion dollars that went into protecting our city? Oh, right. It’s keeping Stephen Harper safe.

The Black Bloc dressed in an all black disguise destroying property and attacking media

Plain-clothed officers make an arrest

The Eaton Centre Starbucks getting smashed by violent Black Bloc demonstrators

A police cruiser gets lit on fire

Drumming of the riot police shields

Protester and police clash over “illegal search”

These protests continue today. Many protesters have claimed that yesterday was the “calm before the storm” and as you could see, that was anything but calm. Toronto is my city as much as it is yours. Vandalism isn’t needed to get your message across.

Australia’s Representation of Toronto’s G20 Summit

As I sit in the lobby of the Hyatt Park Sydney watching the Australian media coverage of the G20 protests in Toronto I can’t help but to be angry. This Australian media network is painting Toronto to be an attention seeking city in need of tourism. There’s one main flaw in that. If we were in need of tourism, why would acts making Toronto look like a war zone take place? They showed scenes of the Eaton Center being in lockdown mode and said they need more funding for huge architectural renovations taking place. Basically the Australian media is full of bullshit. The innocent citizens of Toronto are not doing this. It’s the Anarchist protesters. Also the vandalism going on is apparently being done by store owners in black disguises who are in need of business. The Block Bloc is internationally known. How can these media networks not know that? I am disgusted with the image Toronto is being given here. It’s not right. It’s 100% false.

On a lighter note, they just reported that the USA won 2-1 in the World Cup game against Ghana. How trustworthy is their info? Not very.

Beautiful Calm Toronto… Umm?

Toronto is usually a safe non-violent city but that quickly changed this afternoon. Being in Australia I’ve been following the G20 through an online CTV feed and Twitter updates. I am sickened and disgusted as to what is going on in Toronto right now. The Black Bloc has taken these protests way too far. They’re no longer protesting but committing criminal acts. Acts that include vandalizing stores and banks and setting police cruisers on fire. None of this is needed to get your message across. They came to Toronto for one reason, to cause shit.Take a look for yourself.

The Black Bloc smashing the windows of an American Apparel - Photo by @marrisanelson

Inside of an American Apparel - Photo by American Apparel Employee

Urban Outfitters - Photo by @deadfashionista

Burger King - Photo by @deadfashionista

Boarding up a Starbucks window - Photo by @deadfashionista

Police cruiser on fire Queen St - Photo by David G. Tran

Police cruiser on fire Queen St - Photo by David G. Tran

Police cruiser on fire King and Bay - Photo by Ryan Walker

Smoke seen at BMO field because of the police cruiser fire on Queen St - Photo by the co-worker of @pickeringkj

Smashed window of a CBC News van - Photo by @marrisanelson

The Black Bloc ditched their black clothing for “normal” clothes - Photo by @deadfashionista

Hey, it’s Tarzan! - Photo by Nick Kozak

Police line. This isn’t a Hollywood production. It’s Toronto! - Photo by Harry Choi

Flashpoint? Nope! - Photo by Nick Kozak

Police line - Photo by @marrisanelson

Police line - Photo by @marrisanelson

So that’s Toronto for you. It’s mind boggling. I cannot believe what is happening to my city. This is still going on now and there’s still tomorrow. I’m scared to death as to what will continue tomorrow. Toronto is a war zone. It’s ridiculous. Make this stop.